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Mel's Procrastination Palace
Monday, June 20, 2005 Twiggy, Madcap action heroine...and squirrel

She's my husband's latest mistress, a large brown squirrel with an unsatiable appetite for peanuts.

Lemme back up a moment, if you will, and explain that we live in town, in a house where the neighbor's home is closerthanthis and our corner lot probably has the more trees than anyone else's on the street. Thus, we have the largest population of squirrels. We feed them well. The neighbor behind us has sixteen birdhouses and feeders, so we figure he's got the feathered friends covered. (I still put up a hummingbird feeder and have lured one or two from his immaculate gardens...) Anyway, we have those pressed corn bricks hanging from tree and on a bungee from the corner of the garage. We were skeptical that a squirrel would come that close, especially with side door (all glass) and several cats guarding the premises.

But, alas, one brave soul not only found and consumed said bungee corn brick, but would bite off a hunk, climb the three concrete steps and perch, mockingly, two and a half feet from three salivating felines while munching away. I was alerted to this fiasco when one of the cats began that hideous yeowling that everyone talks about happening on alley-way fences at 2 am. I was on the phone with my mother in law, discussing a kick ass book we'd both read (see the blog from several days ago concerning Sweet Gum Tree) when I walked into the kitchen and witnessed this daring rodent at work.

Of course, being unblinkinly unfazed by the presence of three oversized cats, the brave squirrel didn't so much as twitch its fluffy tail when my 5'6" frame shadowed the doorway. "You oughta see this squirrel," I tell my m-i-l, and then proceed to describe the scene before me. Amused, I sit down, using the fridge for support and continue talking away while assuring my kitties that they don't want squirrel pie for supper.

I hadn't expected the squirrel to be considering the corn as appetizer and it wanted a feline feast for its dinner.

It got closer. The cats got louder, their stances nearly flat with the floor as they computed the momentum it would take to shatter the window, grab the offending fluffer in their jaws and abscond to the other side of the garage to snarf it down. The cat beside me, Hurricane, who was the smartest and bravest of the brood, smacked his tail against me and the fridge with such intensity, I'm surprised it didn't break. The squirrel had once against hopped the three steps and stood on the landing, nonchalantly nibbling on a handful of free food.



I screamed. The cat screamed. The squirrel might have, I don't know. I dropped the phone. The door vibrated in its frame. Then I realized. The cat hadn't moved.
The squirrel had attacked the door, intending to take on all three massive, drooling felines at once! (Duh, squirrely, it's corn, not spinach. You haven't got a chance in HELL with these three...)

My mother in law, still holding on the other end and thanking me for such wicked entertainment signs off so I can retell this tale to the snoozing husband. Ha, he says. You're exaggerating. (I wasn't, my daughter witnessed the entire thing and actually has scratches from Tornado running over her in his haste to retreat from a la killer squirrel.)

Next day I arrive home from errand to find DH sitting on the steps, same trio of onlooking whisker licking droolers behind him, and squirrel beside him, taking peanuts out of his fingers. Peanut shells littered the yard and driveway.

"What's this?" I ask, wondering why I'm not surprised at this development.
"Twiggy. Her name is Twiggy."
And so it began.

Twiggy now comes running when we come outside, or open the garage door. She knows the bag of peanuts are on the snowblower and helps herself when we're not quick enough. She's caused a few heart attacks that way. The other night we were working on the car and suddenly heard the rustling of the plastic bag. Dh banged his head, I tore the skin off my knuckle, but when we looked, it was just this innocent looking squirrel with a giant nut in her mouth. I swear she was smiling around it.

We've decided she has babies somewhere, either that or she's had mini squirrel breast implants. (snort) [The former of which] just makes DH more determined to feed her.
And this weekend, she's brought her boyfriend, a cute little black squirrel with a white spot on his head, and his buddy, a little "piney" (that's what DH calls him but I doubt the authenticity of that as an official name. Anyway, it's a squirrel with a stubby tail, as opposed to Twiggy's full, pretty fluff). They've not been brave enough to snatch a peanut from the fingers, but I'm sure when Twigster runs away with one between her teeth, she's heading off to share her bounty.

I've got pictures. I will get them off the digital soon and force you to believe that I'm not lying about this.
And do you know how freaking HARD it is to find bags of in the shell-unsalted peanuts in this world? Geesh!

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 2:40 PM :: 2 comments

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