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Mel's Procrastination Palace
Thursday, December 29, 2005 What day is it?

OMG. What a week. At least as far as life at the office goes. The week pre-Christmas was well.... slow in terms of business, (clearly I don't work for a retailer) but come Tuesday? I don't think we've ever been this busy to the point that I couldn't stop to breathe!

I really can't believe it's Thursday already. I mean, losing Monday was one thing, but I swear, I've barely blinked since then. Anyone else sittin' there with the same blank look on their face feeling like they've done some mini time warp?

So, I'd like to wave at the new visitors I've had at my blog (and omg, do I feel like a stand up comedian swimming in a sea of straight faces). Love the limericks. Really. I thought about pulling another from the handy dandy book that keeps me laughing, but, in honor of my good friend Shan who hit the send button today, I offer:

The girl had a story to sell
But she held on to it tighter'n hell
The bitches said punt
or we'll kick you in the ..... head
and Shan called them all Jezebel.

Congrats on sending it, sweetie!

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 8:50 PM :: 5 comments

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005 A limerick per day....

or three, simply because I wanted to be able to say:

These limericks are examples of what you won't find in an erotic romance novel:

There was a couple willing and able
To make love on a rickety table
Three legs caved in
She grazed her chin
And his condition is given as "stable"...

There once was a bloke from Bermuda
Who flew with a girl on Garuda
After a big glass of brandy
He got rather randy
Took her to the loo and screwed her...

There was a boy from Cadiz
Whose love life had little fizz
Whenever he tried
He dried up inside
And couldn't go on with the biz...
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I got another kick ass review today for When I close my eyes which put me in a *big smiley face* mood. But Jaci will wipe that smile from my face if I don't get my DAMN book done soon. I'm sorta deadline +2.5 and counting....gee, I love my CP...

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 9:29 PM :: 2 comments

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Monday, December 26, 2005 I survived....

It was touch and go there for a bit. Really.
The tree stayed up--and is still standing. I'll be finding plastic icicles til May, but *shrug* I didn't have a six foot tree lying across my couch. Life is good.

Christmas for us is understated and simple. It's all about family. Gifts are optional, but the norm, and more emphasis is placed on eliciting a grin than a gift of equal value in return. We had good food, good company and alot of us smiled. In fact, I think all of us smiled. No complaints and I actually think my bank account came out in the black this year. Cause for celebration.

Today, with Goose more than anxious to spend the mucho dollars and gift cards burning their way through her purse, we headed over to Barnes & Noble. I'm glad they did, because I *heart* their sticker sales. I was hoping to score some kick butt research books. And I did. Something on Troy (the city, not some guy...), something on Mythology and a couple of other interesting books I wouldn't have bought if they hadn't been $1.99.

Including
*drum roll*
"the Limerick Book"
oh yeah.... and then, as an added bonus it has this sticker that says "Warning, explicit content" and I *knew* this was soooooo mine.

So, I'll be torturing all who dare visit me here with a limerick. I know Shan's gonna be green with envy, tho I swear she's the limerick queen and should have written this book before these dudes did.

Anyway, without further ado, today's offering:

The limerick form is complex,
Its contents run chiefly to sex.
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgings
And swarms with erotic effex.

Check back for another of the 1000 hilarious, rude and politically incorrect limericks this book promises... and since it clearly uses the above philosophy, anticipate they come straight from the gutter.

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 5:24 PM :: 3 comments

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005 The tree's still standing...

And it's 5 days til Christmas.
In case you're visiting this blog for the first time and going WTF?, I'm referring to the phenomenon that caused this family to erect a Christmas tree for the first time in years. The cats who own, rule and destroy this house have firmly been intent on investigating said tree, including the removal of most of the ornament on the lower levels as well as nearly ALL the needles on those branches. One string of lights doesn't work, and I hate to think someone chomped a light. *wince* But the tree's standing. I may have to eat my words cuz I was sure it'd be down by now...

My shopping isn't done. I sorta ran out of cash (I'm a no credit kinda girl). Well, ran out of hands on cash and I a) refuse to touch what little savings I have and b) I get paid in two days and haven't already allocated 110% of it to bills. So, I'll finish with the rest of the mad zombies on Thursday night and Friday. I'm sooooo thinking cash. It really is the best present, isn't it?

I've zero time to do it, but I've been bloghopping. Angie submitted the Breakfast Bitches Blog to Italk2Much. We got smacked! So when I went over to check out what was said about us, I found myself reading blogs and laughing/groaning appreciatively. I could become addicted. Truly. Sometimes I go see the zero smacks cuz one just can't look away from a trainwreck in progress. I read the four and five smacks cuz I gotta see what makes a blog a"mustread"....

And now I need to get back to the DH' statitistics homework. I'm sooooo getting an orgasm outta this.

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 8:17 PM :: 1 comments

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Thursday, December 15, 2005 It's OOOOOUUUUTTTTTT


OOkay, I'm a day late and who isn't always a dollar short...? Anyway, wanted to come be Miss Happy Promo Person and remind all you (three) regular visitors to my blog that WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES is currently available for sale at Ellora's Cave.

When I Close My Eyes By Melani Blazer

For as long as she can remember, Kenna has had dreams of one man whose touch filled her soul and ignited her passions. When her life crumbles right before the holidays, Kenna decides that as a Christmas present to herself, she's going to finally learn if what she feels is real, or if it's just a figment of her imagination.

Seth feels the presence of the mystery woman who comes to him in visions and dreams—offering her body and soul to him. He's spent a lifetime looking for her and tonight he's going to find her. When he rescues a stranded Kenna, he feels the attraction, but wonders if she's "the one".

Stranded by a blizzard in a mountainside cabin, Seth's and Kenna's passions ignite. Their hearthside sex leaves them breathless, but the heat they generate isn't enough to burn the memory of the dream woman from Seth's mind, or convince Kenna she hadn't simply imagined the man she knows only in her dreams.


But at Christmas, magical things happen. And sometimes dreams can come to life.
<----- Look what I just got! Nickie Langdon of Romance Junkies just sent me an email letting me know she loved the book! :) Here's what she said: WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES is Melani Blazer at her finest. She’s combined all the ingredients for love and left her two antagonists to figure it out for themselves. The lovemaking is hot, so have lots of cold water handy.


Posted by Melani Blazer :: 5:44 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, December 11, 2005 Move over Martha

Here I sit.

Last night and earlier today, I final did what I do only once per year--I ventured into the kitchen, pulled out all the baking equipment and transformed into Suzy Homemaker--okay, Martha Stewart? Na, decorating is NOT my thing. Betty Crocker, yeah, that's it.

It's been a tradition for my mother-in-law and I to bake far more cookies than normal families would ever consume (we're talking dozens of dozens and at least five different varieties, often more).... The last few years have been very hectic for both of us, and I've taken to doing this tedious job myself. However, I've also taken to investing in a little pretty Saran Wrap and turning these delicacies into gifts. :)

So anyway, I do think the arrival of such movitation has finally allowed me to acknowledge that yes, indeed, Christmas is upon us. I might... might have a chance of surviving this year.

Or so I thought. Feeling rather sure of myself (bad, bad start), I sat down at my keyboard, opened my word processor and...

There...

Perched on the edge of my monitor, sat my muse.

Now, I have a flat screen, so at first I found this rather humorous, you see, because my muse has the same grace and non existant sense of balance as yours truly. However, today, she seemed quite comfortable up there, staring haughtily at me.

"What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?"

"Um, me?" I tapped myself on the chest, always awed at seeing the muse. Elusive thing. Bet she'd bring quite the reward if I could capture her. But before I could think about where I last saw that butterfly net, she hopped off and walked the edge of my scanner.

"No, dumbass, I was talking to the spider behind you."

Yeah, I looked. No one said I wasn't a gullible sap. "Bitch," I said, turning back around and leveling what I hoped was a killer gaze at her.

She didn't seem fazed. "You're bored with that story. It's dull. Empty. The motivation and "ooomph" of that plot left you 10K ago. Why don't you play with that new plot line I so nicely gifted you with. I mean, gee, it's not even Christmas yet."

"Yeah, great story line. Did you steal that from Mandy's files?"

"No." She sighed and rolled her eyes, then buffed her nails on her chest. I'm thinking she appeared looking like some iridescent pixie fairy thing to make it hard for me to wrap my hands around her neck and choke her. She knows my conscience would see that faux innocence and allow me to spare her life. This time. "It's a bona fida original idea."

"Whatever. I've made notes. But I have to finish this story first."

"Says who?"

Grrrrrrrr. "Says me." I said it, though it's the last thing I should have done. Without a real deadline or requirement, ye olde muse would know I could be swayed, bought, bribed or otherwise distracted, and would start badgering me with ideas, or reminders of all the unfinished manuscripts in my idea files.

"What are you going to do when it's done?"

"Run naked through the snow professing my love to chocolate kisses. What the heck do you THINK I'm gonna do with it? Er, duh, give it to my editor."

"She didn't give you a deadline. Just think, dark motivation. Death. Magic. You know you want to. It'll be a peach of an idea. A real challenge to write. You love challenges."

"No. No. No. No."

With a leap that would have resulted in a catastrophic fall any other day, the muse made it back on my monitor and crossed her legs. She reached down and tapped the screen. "Right there. C'mon, you know you want to."

"Nope. Besides. I already IM'd Jaci to BS it. She's not at her desk." And with that, I stuck my tongue out and blew raspberries at the muse, then grabbed a penny and hit her square in the forehead, nearly causing my monitor to fall.

I can still hear her cursing at me from behind my desk. I'll let her out when this story is done. :P

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 7:09 PM :: 2 comments

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Friday, December 09, 2005 One good thing about winter....

First off, let me eat my words and advise that my Christmas tree has not yet come tumbling down in a fit of needles, lights, garland and shattered ornaments. By some strange phenomen, however, the 50 odd plastic icicles my daughter adorned the tree with are shedding faster than the cats. I get up in the morning and they've fallen like apples off an apple tree...but I've yet to find another ornament dislodged or piece of garland out of place. Go figure. I was hoping to entertain you with stories of this...

Don't know about you, but I'm COOOOOOLLLLLDDDDD. I don't care that my co-workers and customers think I'm nuts for typing with gloves on. I don't typoo THAT much... Mother Nature was kind enough to add to the subfreezing temperatures and we got lots of the white stuff yesterday and last night.

So I started thinking about what I could do to stay warm. Of course, staying in bed this morning, cuddled up to the hubby was my first and favorite idea, clearly that didn't happen. Here are some more warming options, in no particular order...
  • long, hot bath
  • cooking oneself in front of a toasty fireplace (I tend to get close enough to singe hair...)
  • thermos of hot cocoa
  • of course, one could do something insane, like physical activity, but since we're not in that mindset, we'll ignore that option.
  • curling up with a HOT HOT HOT White Hot Holiday book from Ellora's Cave.

Okay, I added that last one so I could get a plug in for Jaci--her Holiday quickie, Holiday Bound was released yesterday. I'm behind on my reading, but I definitely intend to hide for an hour or so this weekend and hopefully chase away some of this chill!

And just cuz this is my blog and I *can*... keep in mind that I've got a slightly longer (novella length) Holiday story coming out December 14th. When I Close My Eyes involves lots of HOT moments in front of that aforementioned roaring fire in a snug little cabin.

Hmmmm, me thinks hot cocoa, hot bath, PDA loaded with Hot Books.... yeah, I could warm up.

How are you staying warm this winter?


Posted by Melani Blazer :: 10:56 AM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005 I am DYING laughing.. but if you might not get the joke...

Jeff Foxworthy on Indiana....................... If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Indiana.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Indiana.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Indiana.

If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there, you might live in Indiana.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Indiana.

If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Indiana.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Indiana.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Indiana.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE HOOSIER WHEN:
1. Vacation means going north or south on I 65 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events including weddings.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them
9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11 You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, & it's Hot.
12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
13. Down south means Kentucky to you.
14. A brat is something you eat.
15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
16. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
18. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly".
19. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Indiana friends. (What's not to understand???)

Please someone tell me at least some of these rules apply to other people. *sigh*
I hate it when that Dairy Queen closes.

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 10:08 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, December 04, 2005 Okay, don't anyone fall over...

I let my husband talk me into a Christmas tree this year.

Now, before you raise your eyebrows and go, "Oh gee, look, a scrooge," let me explain some of the reasons why Christmases have come and gone and this family has failed to have a tree.

1) cats
2) we don't entertain here
3) cats. As in plural
4) we don't even open presents here--we always spend Christmas as his parents house.
5) cats. shiny things.

I could list cats several more times because... well, today's December 4th. Means I have three weeks of putting up the tree. Every morning, every evening. Over and over and over. Because unless I do what I did the last time we had a tree--hide it in my office with the door closed (oh, yeah, that's holiday spirit) the cats are going to wait until I walk outta here at 8:50am and then they're gonna have more fun than a barrel of drunk monkeys.

Just wait. Hmmmmm. I'm thinking I'll have plenty to blog about in the days to come.
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On a side note, I didn't get an email today advising that the-powers-that-be have changed my cover for WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES... again. I do, however, find it mildly amusing that I have cover #1 on MY website. The coming soon page of Ellora's Cave has version 2. And my previous blog is the latest cover. (You'll have to scroll down cuz I don't know how to link to a previous post and it's 9pm Sunday night and I just put up a Christmas tree, excuse ME for being lazy :P) The census is the last one is the best--it's certainly the hottest, but I'm about equal on both of them. Who cares, anyway. Aren't we supposed to keep from judging a book by its cover? *grin*

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My daughter made the paper again. (I blogged about this previously also, so you'll have to scroll down again.) Just a picture again (hmmm, her name wasn't listed either time...) taken at the same Harry Potter gathering at a local church. This time she has a wonderfully excited look on her face. She swears its because she had just eaten a Vomit flavored Bernie Botts jelly bean. Oh yum. (shudder)

Well, that's a weekend wrap up for me. How'd you do?

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 8:50 PM :: 1 comments

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Friday, December 02, 2005


Um, hopefully this is the LAST time I have to tell you my cover changed, lol. The message I got this time was that the cover was too similar to another one. Posted by Picasa

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 7:58 AM :: 2 comments

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