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Mel's Procrastination Palace
Tuesday, February 21, 2006 Upstaged by the paperclip

Okay, that's a bit misleading, because my numero uno task after installing MS Word was to DELETE the office assistant. It's distracting, annoying and frankly, I felt like I was being watched. I write erotic romance. The bug eyes on that paperclip would have exploded before I finished my first manuscript had I not done this service.

However, I still think he's there... lurking. Who else takes a damn red pen and makes squiggles under my heroine's name? Well, of course you don't recognize it, you twisted piece of hairless pipecleaner, she's an elf. I highly doubt alternate dimensions submitted their most popular names to MSN prior to the cut off date of the latest edition. *eyeroll*

Well, I've gotten used to the red and green squiggles. I should shut the damn things off, but hey, it's always Christmas in my manuscripts. Lots of red and green garland decorating the paragraphs. And I'll admit, I rather like it when it fixes my tendancy to type "teh" instead of "the" or have the last letter of one word tag make really good friends with the wor din line behind it. (I'm leaving the example...)

I would show off some examples of the suggestions of grammar corrections the people at MSN have dreamed up (likely made up at the co. Christmas party after the third punch bowl had been consumed), but I'm gonna guess that anyone reading this blog has witnessed this...monstrosity first hand and doesn't need to see more of it.

Tonight, however, the little behind the scenes MS gremlins had another trick to show me. Granted, I'm sure there's tons of little goodies the MSN people think will benefit people. I just wanna type in my story. Tonight, I type a sentence that mentions the heroine walking quickly try to blend in with the foot traffic on Fifth Ave.

Suddenly, "Fifth Ave." is underlined (pink dotted line.. how neat!) and a cute little (i) icon appears. Who KNOWS what the next sentence was supposed to be because I was now enthralled with this new development. So of course, being curious, I click the (i) and am given options....

Display Map: Oooooh, map? You know where my heroine is? Wicked cool cuz I was going to have to research to find the nearest deli for her to eat lunch. Of course, within seconds common sense slapped me in the face. How does this program know WHICH Fifth Ave. I'm talking about? Isn't that a pretty damn common street name? *picture totally befuddled cocked headed stare at monitor*

Display Driving Directions: Um, no thanks. She's on foot, and I get desperate, she'll hail a cab.

Remove Smart Tag: does that mean the neato little pink dots will disappear? I was starting to like them!

Stop Recognizing Fifth Ave.: Nothing like blatant ignorance. Nope. Sorry, don't know you...

Smart Tag Options: Oh, hmmm, dare I click this? There are OPTIONS? I'm scared.

*I did click the display map option and was disappointed it went to a map site and THEN advised me the city and state were required. Tho I was kinda glad to see someone up in programming remembered to insert their braincell the day after this feisty idea was put into action.

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 8:11 PM :: 1 comments

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