Mel's Procrastination Palace

Saturday, February 26, 2005 Why they call it gray matter...

When I was about four, my mom moved my room to the far end of the house and dolled it all up Raggedy Ann style. My bed faced the door, and there was a dresser just to the left of the door. To this day I still remember sitting in bed and tossing one of those bright green little super-bouncy-balls (the ones you get outta the vending machines) at the back of the door to (cuz it would bounce back to me). Only one time it didn't. It hit the end of the bed and then rolled under the dresser. I watched it.

I got up the next morning and searched and searched and made mom move the dresser. No ball.
My mother insists I dreamed it all.

Other than some funky dream at age six where the moon fell, hit the earth and the impact caused me to fly from a hill at my uncle's house (where I was attending sheep... --he didn't have sheep!!). I landed in Russia and befriended three kids my age and stayed with them til my parents came and rescued me.... well, I don't recall any of those so-real-I-can't-believe-it-was-just-a-dream dreams.

Until about a year ago. Had a dream I went into a gas station with a person. I want to say I knew who this person was, but like alot of dreams, the features were...not clear. It was a male, friend only. Someone I respected and knew very well. We were on our way somewhere to meet up with other people. There was a whole dream lead up to this point about all that, but that doesn't matter. While were were in the gas station, a pair of men came in to rob it.
My friend took my hand.
I felt it.
Every sensation shocked my body as I felt that squeeze. Felt the heat. Felt the roughened texture of his larger bone structure and the callouses on his palms.
It wasn't a romantic type hand hold, it was a reassurance. An unspoken, I'm here and will protect you touch. (and I was definitely alone in bed at the time--dh had left for work an hour before I had to get up...)

That stayed with me for... weeks, even months. The memory had burned into my brain, yet I knew it was a dream (unlike that poor 4yr old who searched for days for that ball that didn't exist).

It happened again last night.
I imagined I was on vacation with the family and had rented a boat. Dh doesn't do water, but I insisted he'd be okay. We were in line at the park, I guess (this was all vague) a huge line of people. Maybe waiting for the beach to open? Anyway, I spotted a familiar face in the crowd--but he didn't see me. At this point, I'd have doubted he'd recognize me. (don't know why.. it's a damn dream!). But then I saw someone I thought I knew from school. I stared for a bit, trying to decide if it was her, so I could say Hi. When I glanced back, the guy I'd recognized had caught me staring and was waving.
He came over. He knew the family, ruffled goose's hair and egged the DH on about not wanting to ditch the boat and get jet skis instead. Then it was time to go get the boat. For some reason, this guy and I went to get the boat while DH stayed with Goose and our stuff. (a tube, life jackets, etc) (get to the point, Mel)
Anyway, instead of pushing down the sidewalk, which was way overcrowded, we decided to go down the hill and cut around to the marina. The hill was rough, very eroded with patches of grass and sand and lots of exposed roots. I nearly tripped.
He grabbed my hand to steady me.

I swear to GOD I sat up in bed, wide awake, staring at my hand. I felt it. The squeeze was tight, strong. Reassuring. My heart about jumped out of my chest. I had goosebumps.
I'll think about it for days now. Weird. Too real. Almost scary.

Clearly, my brain doesn't know there's a line between reality and fiction. Guess that's why it's called gray matter....

Posted by Melani Blazer :: 8:12 AM :: 3 comments

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